Writing Basics - Unit 2
Unit 2 - Sentence Style

KPC TAACCCT Grant

Credits & Acknowledgements

This project has been funded by the US Department of Labor, TAACCCT (Trade Adjustment Assistance Community College and Career) program, and 100% of the total cost of the online College Readiness Resources has been funded by federal money out of a $2.5 million TAACCCT Department of Labor project. However, these materials do not necessarily represent policy of the Department of Labor or endorsement by the Federal Government.

 

The TAACCCT grant is an equal opportunity program. Auxiliary aids and services are available upon request to individuals with disabilities. This grant has been conducted in partnership with the UAA Community and Technical College and the Architectural and Engineering Technician program.

The Writing Basics course material is the product of efforts by a talented and collaborative team of higher education professionals.   The list below acknowledges contributions from the following:

Contributors to Writing Basics

This list represents those whose contributions are integrally embedded in the design of the course. Specific and unique credits are provided throughout the course for individual art and media resources.

The faculty and staff of Kenai Peninsula College also wish to acknowledge the learners who will be engaging with the course content.  

 

Unit 2: Sentence Style

After reviewing this unit, you will be able to define and identify key components of sentence style as well as recognize errors in word choice and parallelism.

 

In "Unit Two: Sentence Style," students will learn about word choice, parallelism, and common errors in word choice and parallelism. The primary purpose of this unit is to expose students to correct word choice in composing sentences and the concept of parallelism. Students will also learn how to identify errors in word choice and parallelism in the revision process. Secondarily, students will become accustomed to the language used by their instructors to describe the quality of their writing.

Work your way through the following three modules. Consisting of content, practice, and review, each module will answer a series of three questions:

 

1. What is sentence style?

2. Why does sentence style matter?

3. How does sentence style work?

 

Click here to explore content for Module 1: Word Choice.

Module 1: Word Choice

In this module, we will review an important component of sentence style: word choice. In this section on word choice, we will discuss ways to improve our writing by choosing words that are precise and clear.

Lesson Objective

You will examine an important component of sentence style—word choice. 

 

To understand word choice, we will be covering three areas of exploration, highlighted in the slide show below:

Click on the link below to begin slide show on Word Choice.

 

 Click here to begin slide show.    

 

 

Important Terms to Know

Sentence Style

Foundation

Clarity

Jargon

Mouseover each term to see the definition.

 

 

 

Click here to learn more about word choice.

What is word choice, and why does it matter?

Just as the subject and predicate provide the foundation to sentence building, word choice provides the foundation to sentence style. The words you choose determine the sound, appearance, and meaning of your writing. In trying to come up with just the right word, you may find the use of a dictionary or a thesaurus very helpful. The following Prezi by Malory Klocke will help you understand the importance of word choice in your writing.

 

To begin, click on the arrow in the middle of the screen that says "Start Prezi."  

After the Prezi is loaded, advance through the presentation using the arrows at the bottom of the screen. Clicking on the rectangle in the bottom right corner will allow you to view the Prezi in "full screen mode." Pressing the escape key will return you to your regular screen.

Importance of Word Choice

by Malory Klocke

 

 

There are many ways word choice can add and detract from the clarity and style of a piece of writing. Ultimately, good word choice depends on a good vocabulary, so the best way to improve your word choice is to broaden your vocabulary. Let's examine two major goals when choosing our words: 

Be precise.

When you are precise, you avoid words or phrases that are awkward, vague, or unclear.   You also choose words that are specific and focused. You may avoid or include jargon, which consists of technical terms specific to one discipline, depending on your audience and rhetorical situation.

 

 

Be aware of your audience and the rhetorical situation, as described in Unit One.

Word choice matters most importantly because it shapes the meaning and message of your writing. Word choice can develop or destroy credibility. It can engage or alienate your readers. It can lead or divert your audience to or from your desired conclusion. Awkward or clumsy word choice may present the writing as uninformed. A piece of writing that contains too much jargon may confuse an audience. Choosing each word with care and precision gives you control over what your writing says about you.

 

 

Click here to begin the lesson on word choice. 

Ways We Use Word Choice

Precise words can lend credence and clarity to a sentence. Words that are specific, focused, and accurate demonstrate that you always have control over your writing. We have lots of decisions to make when we are choosing which word to use in which rhetorical situation: Does this word clearly convey my idea? Is it too formal or too informal for my audience? Is it necessary?

You might think of word choice as interior decorating but for essays. Too many words can be like too many throw pillows on the couch and can make a room, or paragraph, feel cluttered. Some words are like furniture—they are basic to the essay's meaning and necessary. Some words, however, are the framed pictures. You can think of your writing as a living room in which you want your reader to feel comfortable and relaxed. If your descriptive words, like the art on the wall, are out-of-place, then your reader may spend valuable time trying to figure out the meaning of certain words rather than the meaning of the essay as a whole.

 

Take a look at the following passage:

 

The undercut is the most wrong sin of welding. Cutting into the steel with the force of the arc leaves an open, curvy gap in the weld. If this is not filled back in with filler metal, it leaves a weld situation, which is a poor point that can cause the joint to self-destruct. This can cause property damage, injury and even the cessation of all biological functions.

 

Let's highlight some of the problems with word choice in this passage.

 

Rollover the highlighted terms to see the problems in this writing.

 

The undercut is the most wrong sin of welding. Cutting into the steel with the force of the arc leaves an open, curvy gap in the weld. If this is not filled back in with filler metal, it leaves a weld situation, which is a poor point that can cause the joint to self-destruct. This can cause property damage, injury and even the cessation of all biological functions.

 

Now let's look at our revised paragraph. The new word choices are in red:

 

The undercut is the cardinal sin of welding. Cutting into the steel with the force of the arc leaves a groove in the weld. If this is not filled back in with filler metal, it leaves a weld defect, which is a weak point that can cause the joint to fail. This can cause property damage, injury and even death.

 

Let's discuss some of the revision choices:

1. "Most wrong" was replaced by "cardinal," which is often used with "sin." It completes the metaphor of "undercut" as being a religious offense.

2. "Open, curvy gap" are three words that can be condensed into one: "groove."

3. "Situation" is one of those words that is less precise than it might appear. Many things can be a "situation"; "defect" is much more precise.

4. "Poor" is like "situation" insofar as it lacks precision. Do we mean structurally poor? Financially poor? "Weak" conveys our meaning more clearly.

5. "Self-destruct" anthropomorphizes "joint," which is to say it gives human qualities to something that isn't human.   Joints fail but they don't self-destruct.

6. "Cessation of all biological functions" points to an error we will learn more about in module three: jargon. It uses scientific terms for a rhetorical situation that is not scientific. "Death" is the straightforward alternative.

 

In our revision, we are not distracted by awkward word choices. You want to avoid unknowingly using words that distract your reader from the purpose of your writing.

Short Table of Concise Words

WORDY

vs

 

CONCISE

adequate number of

as a consequence

 

enough

then

by reason of

for the purposes of

 

because

for

at the present time

came to an agreement

 

now

agreed

from the point of view of

give an indication of

 

from

show

implement an investigation of

if that is not the case

 

investigate

if not

It is appropriate to learn about word choice right after learning about the rhetorical situation in Unit 1. Words are never always right or always wrong. They are appropriate and inappropriate, like certain behaviors or apparel choices. A t-shirt and running shorts are not bad but they are inappropriate for a business meeting; screaming "Go! Go! Go!" is not bad, but it is a behavior more appropriate for a sporting event than for a symphony. Learning the correct word to use results from understanding the rhetorical situation for which one is writing.

 


Self Check Area

 

Now let's check your understanding of word choice. Click on the "Self Check Quiz" wording below to begin.

 Open/Close Self Check Activity.

 

 

Click here to go to the review section for Module 1: Word Choice. 

Review of Module 1: Word Choice

Key Takeaways

In review, start to think about sentence style in the same way you may think about your personal style. Our style is the impression we make on others. In the same way, the sentence style leaves your reader with a certain impression. If your word choice is clear and precise, your reader is likely to think you a well-informed, conscientious writer. When your sentence style is strong and controlled, your writing will make a good first impression on your reader.

 

 

Review of Important Terms

  

 

 


Did I Get This?

 

Click on the "Word Choice Review Quiz" wording below to check your knowledge of word choice.

 

 Open/Close Word Choice Review Quiz

Level 2 Quiz: Word Choice

 

If you scored 90 points or above on the "Word Choice Review Quiz", you might like to see how you do on this "Advanced Word Choice Quiz".

Click on the "Level 2 Quiz" wording below to begin.

 

 Open/Close Level 2 Word Choice Quiz

 


If you scored less than 90 points on the "Did I Get This" quiz above, please click here and review this module again before continuing on to Module 2.  

If you have scored 90 points or above on the "Did I Get This" quiz, Congratulations!!  You are now ready to continue on to Module 2.

 

Click here to continue on to Module 2: Parallelism. 

Module 2: Parallelism

In this module, we will review another important component of sentence style: parallelism. In this section on parallelism, we will examine the ways in which words and sentences can be parallel, e.g. be similar in size, scope, and form.

 

Lesson Objective

You will examine a second but equally important component of sentence style—parallelism. 

 

To understand parallelism, we will be covering three areas of exploration, highlighted in the slide show below:

 

Click on the link below to begin slide show on Parallelism.

 

 Click here to begin slide show.   

 

Important Terms to Know

Balance

Rhythm

Affix

Symmetry

Mouseover each term to see the definition.

 

 

Click here to learn more about parallelism. 

What is parallelism, and why does it matter?

Most simply, parallelism is a balanced sentence structure. Words, phrases, and clauses should all be parallel. To achieve parallelism, sequential words, phrases, and clauses should all begin and end the same way.  The following video will help you to understand all of the areas related to parallelism.

Introduction to Parallel Structure

by

Dr. Conrad van Dyk

 

 

Parallelism is likely the most important technique for writing sentences that sound crisp. Parallelism contributes to a clean and clear rhythm in a sentence, and when a sentence is not parallel, the reader can become distracted by clunky sentence structure. In a way, parallelism is the practice of making sure a sentence is aligned. When you consider the construction of a house, a house may be adequate as shelter, but if its frame is not properly assembled, its construction is weakened and the house may even look off kilter. A sentence may be complete with only a subject and verb, but parallelism adds an expert, professional touch.

 

  

Click here to begin the lesson on parallelism. 

Ways We Use Parallelism

Parallel Words

First, let's look at how words may or may not be parallel:

 

The stop order requested that the contractor proceed only when the new materials were inspected, cleared, and to review for safety.

What part of the sentence above is not parallel?

 

The stop order requested that the contractor proceed only when the new materials were inspected, cleared, and to review for safety.

 

"To review" is not parallel with "inspected" and "cleared." The change here should be simple. Make sure "review" ends in the same way as inspected and cleared—with the suffix "ed."

 

Here is the revised sentence:

 

The stop order requested that the contractor proceed only when the new materials were inspected, cleared, and reviewed for safety.

 

 

Parallel Phrases 

Now let's look at how phrases and clauses may or may not be parallel:

 

The manager told his employees that they should stock the shelves, that they should clean the bathrooms, and to count the registers before closing time.

 

What part of the sentence above is not parallel?

 

The manager told his employees that they should stockthe shelves, that they should cleanthe bathrooms, and to count theregisters before closing time.

 

The phrase "to count the registers before closing time" is not balanced with the other clauses in the sentence. Remember, to achieve parallelism, words, phrases, and clauses should all begin and end the same way. The two preceding clauses begin with "that" followed by the subject "they" and a verb. Let's fix the sentence so it's parallel.

 

The manager told his employees that they should stock the shelves, that they should clean the bathrooms, and that they should count the registers before closing time.

 

Or, an even cleaner fix might be:

 

The manager told his employees to stock the shelves, to clean the bathrooms, and to count the registers before closing time.

 

The use of prepositional phrases can also contribute to a sentence's parallelism. A prepositional phrase begins with a preposition, such as "about" or "through" or "before," and ends with an object. Look at the sentence below and see if you can pick out the prepositional phrases:

 

I went to the house to look for my sweater.

 

"To the house" and "for my sweater" are both prepositional phrases.

 

Sometimes we use prepositional phrases in a list with single words; this generally causes a sentence to be out of balance.   Here is an example of a sentence that lacks parallelism because the prepositional phrase needs to be revised:

 

After school, they went swimming, driving, and to the mall.  

 

You could make this sentence parallel by changing the items in the list so that they are all structured the same way.

 

One revision: After school, they swam in the public pool, drove to the park, and went to the mall.

Second revision: After school, they went swimming, driving, and shopping.

  

 


Self Check Area

 

Now let's check your understanding of parallelism. Click on the "Self Check Quiz" wording below to begin.

 Open/Close Self Check Quiz

 

 

Click here to go to the review section for Module 2: Parallelism.

Review of Module 2: Parallelism

Key Takeaways

As we consider comma placement or even word choice, we sometimes overlook the sound a sentence might make. While rules for creating parallelism are simple, an understanding of parallelism is best developed through a regular diet of reading and writing. Just like in music, the rhythm of sentences can come with degrees of complexity. As you review your sentences for parallelism, make sure that words and phrases in a list are structured the same way. Also, read your writing out loud so you may pick up on the rhythm of your writing and when that rhythm is out of sync.

 

 

Review of Important Terms

  

 


Did I Get This?

 

Click on the "Parallelism Review Quiz" wording below to check your knowledge of word choice.

 Open/Close Parallelism Review Quiz

Level 2 Quiz: Parallelism

 

If you scored 90 points or above on the "Parallelism Review Quiz", you might like to see how you do on this "Advanced Parallelism Quiz".

Click on the "Level 2 Quiz" wording below to begin.

 Open/Close Level 2 Quiz

 


If you scored less than 90 points on the "Did I Get This" quiz above, please click here and review this module again before continuing on to Module 3.  

If you have scored 90 points or above on the "Did I Get This" quiz, Congratulations!!  You are now ready to continue on to Module 3.

 

Click here to continue on to Module 3: Common Errors in Sentence Style.  

Module 3: Common Errors in Sentence Style

 

Lesson Objective

You will be able to recognize errors that can occur in sentence style and construction.

 

To understand sentence style, we will be covering three areas of exploration, highlighted in the slide show below:

Click on the link below to begin the slide show on Common Errors in Sentence Style.

 

 Click here to begin slide show.   

 

Important Terms to Know

Slang

Jargon

Wordiness

Contractions

Mouseover each term to see the definition.

 

 

  

Click here to learn more about Common Errors in Sentence Style.  

What are some common errors, and why do they matter?

Errors in Sentence Style

Errors in sentence style are not necessarily wrong in the same way that grammatical errors can be. They are wrong insofar as they weaken the sound or style of a sentence or obscure its meaning. They may also be considered inappropriate because the rhetorical situation requires that a certain style of writing be used. For instance, slang and contractions are inappropriate for formal writing, such as the writing we do in college. Wordiness, however, is a more common problem and is generally discouraged no matter the rhetorical situation.

The following video goes over some important areas of word choice and how to detect errors in word choice when editing your own writing.

How to Edit Your Writing: Importance of Proper Word Choice

by: expertvillage

 

Learning about stylistic missteps in writing can set your writing apart. Understanding wordiness and how to fix it can make your writing clear and concise. Knowing when, and when not, to use slang and contractions can ensure that your writing is always well-suited to its audience. Sentence style is a lot like etiquette; writing that demonstrates a style appropriate to its context is polite and well-behaved. It doesn't embarrass itself.

 

Errors in Parallelism

Errors in parallelism are worth understanding because, as a common maxim says, form does affect content. This video by Think Big SAT Prep goes over some of the considerations in making sure your sentences are parallel.

SAT Common Writing Error #4: Parallelism

by: THINKBIGSATPREP

The sound—even the shape—of our sentences affects the delivery of our ideas. If that delivery is too slow, too fast, or clumsy, the reader may give up on trying to understand what we are saying. Errors in parallelism affect the rhythm of the sentence, and if a reader stumbles over how a sentence sounds, he may also stumble over what it means.

 

Click here to begin the lesson on Common Errors in Sentence Style. 

Ways We Deal with Common Errors

Errors in Word Choice

Often, errors in word choice lead to errors in parallelism.   Errors in word choice arise when the wrong word is chosen for the wrong writing occasion.   Yet, when errors in word choice lead to errors in parallelism, they do so when the wrong words are chosen in conjunction with other words.   Let's read further to find out more.

First, let's look at the basic problems with word choice:

Wordiness

Wordiness is simply using more words than are needed to convey meaning.  When our writing is dictated by page requirements and word counts, we often accept more words in our writing than are necessary because we may lack a reason to do otherwise. Too many words, however, can make an essay feel cluttered and even void of ideas.  

 

Here are some examples of phrases commonly used in college essays that could be reduced from many words to few:

 

 

Original

 

Revised

The author goes on to say

The author says

I came to the realization that

I realized

Due to the fact that

Because/Since

At that point in time

Then

 

Often wordiness occurs when a writer is thinking through what he wants to say while he is writing. Wordiness could be considered the equivalent of thinking aloud, and it is often best caught during revision. Just remember, don't use two, three, or four words when one will do. 

See the sidebar for a list of some common examples of wordiness.

 


Slang

Slang expressions are never appropriate for formal writing situations, although they may be acceptable in everyday conversation.

 

 

 

Here are a couple examples of slang:

 

"My bad"

 

A slang term used to take responsibility.

"Busted"

 

 

A term that traditionally means "broken," but as slang, it may mean someone was caught or got into trouble.

 

Along with slang, be careful not to use words that are too conversational, such as the following:

 

"well" as in "well, many problems face our current school system."

 

 

Texting

 

Likewise, you'll want to avoid using language common to texting in your writing.

 

Expressions like"lol" or "yolo" are never appropriate in academic writing.

 

 

Informal Words and Contractions

Most of us have learned to avoid beginning a sentence with "and" or "but," but it is also advisable to avoid beginning a sentence with "so," which can make the writing sound too conversational.

 

In addition to avoiding informal language in a formal writing context, you will also want to avoid using contractions in most academic writing.

 

Contractions are two words combined by the use of an apostrophe, such as the following:

 

"can't" or "shouldn't."

 

 

See the sidebar for a list of some of the most commonly used contractions.

In Unit 7, you will learn about revising with technology; here, you will see that a convenient way to get rid of contractions is with the "replace" function where you can replace all uses of "can't" throughout the essay with "cannot."

Precision

Finally, consider one last common error regarding word choice: choosing words that lack precision. Often, we may describe something as "interesting" or "different," but these descriptive words lack precision.

For instance, the reader may wonder in what way was the subject "interesting." Was it controversial? Was it surprising? Was it inspiring?  Similarly, a word like "different" begs an explanation: in what way are the two or more subjects being compared different? While you may not choose a different word for "different," you may need to be sure you follow it with a clear explanation.

It is also a good idea to be careful with pronouns, e.g. I, he, she, him, her, this, that, etc.  Many times if you begin a sentence with the word "this," as in

 

"This is the reason why she did not go to college right away,"

 

you may be assuming your reader knows what "this" refers to.  Almost always, you can take "this" out and simply state what the subject is, as in:

 

"She did not go to college right away because her father was diagnosed with cancer."

 

Personal pronouns like "he" and "her" refer back to subjects that have already been stated, but sometimes the reference is unclear. For instance, in the sentence

 

"My aunt accepted the gift from my mother, even though she didn't like her very much"

 

leaves the reader wondering who didn't like whom.  In this instance, you may want to replace the "she" in the last half of the sentence:

 

"My aunt accepted the gift from my mother, even though my aunt didn't like her very much."

 

 

See the sidebar for a link to the Purdue Online Writing Lab and more information on conciseness.

  


 

Errors in Parallelism - Balance

Errors in word choice occur when the wrong word is chosen or when too many words are used unnecessarily. Errors in parallelism occur when the wrong words are linked together.

 

Remember that parallelism contributes to the way a sentence sounds. It is working when the sentence has rhythm. Compare the way these two sentences sound:

 

1. As director of the firm, she is looking for workers who are motivated, dedicated, and ambitious.

 

2. As director of the firm, she is looking for workers who motivate themselves, are dedicated, and who want to achieve a lot in their lives.

 

The second sentence lacks parallelism because the words used in the descriptions at the end of the sentence are not balanced.

 

In the first sentence, "motivated," "dedicated," and "ambitious" are all single-word adjectives.

 

As director of the firm, she is looking for workers who are motivated, dedicated, and ambitious.

 

 

In the second sentence , "who motivate themselves," "are dedicated," and "who want to achieve a lot in their lives" sound cluttered because they convey their ideas in very different ways. They are also wordy, which is one reason why errors in word choice often contribute to errors in parallelism.

 

As director of the firm, she is looking for workers who motivate themselves, are dedicated, and who want to achieve a lot in their lives.

 

 

Often adding unnecessary words will throw a sentence out of balance, too. For instance, this sentence lacks parallelism:

  

Mary went to the bakery, the library, and rushed to the grocery store.

  

The word "rushed" negatively affects the rhythm of the sentence. It would be best to change "went" to "rushed" or remove the word entirely. You would remove "rushed" because "library" is not preceded by its own verb and to foster parallel structure, items in a list need to be balanced.  In this case, because you precede "bakery" with "went" and "grocery store" with "rushed," "library" also needs a verb. Here is the correction:

 

 

Mary went to the bakery, stopped by the library, and rushed to the grocery store.

 

While errors in parallelism soon become something you can hear or sense, they are often recognizable if you take stock of how many words and what types of words are used in each part of the sentence.

 

Here is a short practice paragraph to see if you can pick out the common sentence style errors and name them. Use your mouse to drag the corresponding error type to the correct place on the paragraph.

  

 

 


 

 

Self Check Area

 

Now let's check your understanding of some common errors. Click on the "Self Check Quiz" wording below to begin.

 Open/Close Self Check Activity

 

 

Click here to go to the review section for Module 3: Common Errors in Sentence Style.  

 

Review of Module 3: Common Errors

Key Takeaways

1. Review your work for wordiness. Never use five words when two will do.

2. Check your sentences for parallelism. Remember, words, phrases, and clauses within a sentence must match. Reading your writing out loud may help you pick up on the rhythm of your writing and identify rhythms that are out of sync.

3. Many of the errors we make in our writing are due to poor sentence structure.   Sometimes those errors occur because our sentences are incomplete or because our sentences run on too long without proper punctuation.   Stylistic errors can sometimes be harder to recognize, but learning about the importance of word choice and balanced sentence structure, or parallelism, gives us the means to control our writing and the impression it leaves on our reading audience.

Review of Important Terms

  


Did I Get This?

 

Click on the "Common Errors Review Quiz" wording below to check your knowledge of sentence style.

 Open/Close Common Errors Review Quiz

Level 2 Quiz: Common Errors

 

If you scored 90 points or above on the "Common Errors Review Quiz", you might like to see how you do on this "Advanced Common Errors Quiz".

Click on the "Level 2 Quiz" wording below to begin.

 Open/Close Level 2 Quiz

Level 3 Quiz: Placement Test Practice Quiz

 

This final quiz is for those of you interested in the Accuplacer test. It contains questions you might encounter on college-level placement tests.

Slick on the "Level 3 Quiz" wording below to begin.

 Open/Close Level 3 Quiz


If you scored less than 90 points on the "Did I Get This" quiz above, please click here and review this module again before continuing on to the next unit.  

If you have scored 90 points or above on the "Did I Get This" quiz, Congratulations!!  You are now ready to continue on to the next unit.

 

Next Steps:

Now that we have discussed the fundamentals of sentence structure, it is time to learn about the small but very important pieces that help us organize our thoughts: punctuation. Punctuation gives our writing shape. It makes the purpose of each letter, word, and sentence absolutely clear. Without punctuation, what we write would be illogical, if not illegible.  

 

Before continuing on in this course, please complete a survey on the Writing Basics Unit you have just completed.  Click on the following link to be taken to the survey.  The survey will open in a new window.

 

Writing Basics Unit 2 Survey

 

Once you have completed the survey and submitted your answers, you will be redirected back to the KPC College Readiness Resources page.  You will then need to click on the Writing Basics course listing in the left or right navigation bar to continue on to the next unit.